It was a very sunny day, the first of the year. Wandering the streets, my eyes began to hurt from squinting against the light.

I saw a street vendor selling sunglasses, so I bought a pair of genuine tortoiseshell Ray-Bans for five pounds.

When I tried them on, I could hear people’s inner thoughts. The Truth.

“So these are genuine Ray-Bans?” I asked.
“About as genuine as a Harry Henson sailing jacket” I heard.

I needed to put these to use. When would it be useful to know people’s thoughts? When you want to ask them out, of course.

That night, I headed out to a club, wearing my new sunglasses.

As I stepped into the bar, looked around at the young and beautiful people, I heard The Truth.

“Why’s he wearing sunglass inside? What a dick. He must think he’s it.”

I really don’t need to see things that clearly.


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