Flat Of Angles

One

I’ll miss you, I’ll miss our walks, trying to pretend we are in perfect step. Out of step now, sick on the floor, out of the room, fenced in, trapped. I can still hear the schoolchildren play outside at their usual 10:30. It always used to annoy me, as I was trying to sleep, but it doesn’t now. It seems alright. A replacement, a continuation. Their sound jangles around the room, it sounds so different from where I’ve been. A party, alone. Packed in with others, but never feeling so alone. People dance too close.

She was there, I had only gone because I hoped she would be. I had arrived early, as the the streetlights were coming on, so I took a long walk around the block, taking a few extra lefts and rights, past the Chicken Cottage and the Costcutter, then along a crescent that arced me out of my way, past a group of figures huddled under the entrance to the flats, shielding the flicking lighter from the wind.

Look, there’s the hardware store. It has a large cutout of a radiant man and woman in overalls, the woman handing the man a tin of paint, up his ladder, beaming. It has faded in the sun. I bought creosote from there, once.

Two

Fuck me! What a night! Pure fuckin mental! It was messy! It was out of hand! It was out of space! I rapped on that track once, at Bagley’s, remember it?! Skibbadee handed me the mic, I got to shout “I’M GONNA SEND HIM TO OUTER SPACE TO FIIIND ANOTHER RACE!” Fuckin fantastic, those days…

The pills these days are shit, they don’t work. No love. I was chatting to this bloke in the kitchen, and he said something, I can’t remember what, but I had to push him over, crashed his arse on the coffee table, ash tinnies and CDs everywhere! Spilled the lines too, the fat fucker.

One

I can’t get you out of my head, your loving is all I think about, no I can’t get you out of my head, something something is all I think about. I can’t get this loop out of my head, no I think I’ll have to… I need to sit down. I can’t stop my leg jiggling, it wants to be somewhere else. I need to get out of here. I can hear sirens – can you hear them? Then again, they are always here, the background to day to day life here. When music is playing, and they come, they sometimes sync up. The New Cross Remix, I call it. I used to call it.

This isn’t how it advertised itself. It was fun, it was Technicolour, the music made me feel liquid, I melted into the company and was chief among them. I was in the kitchen, pouring pint after pint of water over myself, insisting to a stranger that “No, no… The drinks are on me!” I can’t remember what happened after that. Except her there. I had managed to talk to her, I was talking about an art gallery, I thought she’d be impressed, but her eyes kept dancing around the space behind me, smiles flickered on her lips as her eyes focussed on scenes I was oblivious to. I heard laughter. It was from my throat, but I didn’t feel it. I was just trying to breathe life into a long-dead persona.

Two

Is there any more drink around here, like? Do you have any? Its alright, I haven’t been to bed yet – I’m not drinking in the morning! I swear I had a couple of… no I think I had them before I headed out last night.

Anyway, like I say, it was great – I was waiting in the corridor, to go to the toilet, standing right in front of the door. It opened, and this girl was standing there. I was a little shocked, hadn’t expected it, and jumped a little. She did the same thing a second later, smiling. I smiled. I tilted my head left, about to speak, and look sympathetic, and she tilted her head right. I raised my right hand, she raised her left. I put it back by my side, straightened my head, and she did the same. “I’ll be your mirror.” she said. Nothing else existed for a second there, I felt calm, and wanted no more. Then some chump who had slunk up the corridor goes “Awww, that is so cute!” I barged past her and slammed the door, shot the lock across, the handle fell off.

One

This can’t actually have happened. She is only 28. Only. What are we doing with our lives? Why are we carrying on like this? For fuck’s sake, why don’t we grow up? Pretending we are hip, throwing our bodies around the room, around the town, projected on cheap MDMA and ciders with ice, our shadows are long. They slip over the horizon, grow thinner, and disappear as only the all-encompassing shadow of night takes over. That is greater than any of us. Then morning comes, and it goes away. It peels the film from eyes, sparks cells into action, and eventually resurrects those who have avoided it. It says – here is a day – do with it as you will. I am back, but she…

Two

I’m well up for keeping the session going – why did I even come back here? Fuck knows. I’ll give her a call, see what she’s up to. We could swing down the Talbot for a few cures. Its ringing. Oh fuuu… What happened? I think that… Hey! Where did you get to last night? Fancy a Bloody Mary at The Talbot? Give us a call when you get this! Shit. She wouldn’t move. I think I lied next to her. I lied.

We had that methlathyl-whatever when I got out of the toilet. She had given that bloke the heave-ho. I can’t even remember her face. Just the strange flock texture on the wallpaper behind her in the corridor, the magnolia paintwork, the sick yellow light from a bare bulb, and decades of greasy black hand marks by the top of the stairs. Her eyes were… black.

One

There are snails climbing all over the walls of my bathroom. There is a bush outside the window, and when it rains, if I have left the window open, which I need to sometimes, they crawl in. The iridescent tracery they leave on unknown journeys sparkles in the bulb-light. I take a Tesco-bag glove and gather them, bundle them out the window.

My timespan with you before the war.

She said she was going to Spain, hoped it wouldn’t rain, heard it wouldn’t rain. I wanted to go too, she said she was a solo traveller, it was her rule, she goes on journeys alone. With plenty to read. I recommend some books, so that perhaps a thought of me would go with her. Perhaps I am the only thought she had. Or more probably, she never thought of me, as I did of her. I wanted to say these things, but there was always a wall around me, I could never tell people how much they meant to me. I could tell others how much I hated some people, but could never even tell a friend I appreciated their company until I’d had 10 cans, then it would descend into a stereotypical drunken “You’re my best mate, you are.”

So we opened that bottle of absinthe, and sat on the couch. I knocked a copy of The Face onto the floor, and cleared away a few cans with my boots. We turned to face each other there, an my knee touched hers. I looked at our knees together, hers at the top of the black leather boots, hidden in grey woollen tights, with little bobbles on them. Her knee moved imperceptibly away, but I felt it. I looked up to her face as she said “Drink a shot with me, and look me in the eye as you do.” We did. I didn’t feel the effect of the alcohol, but her eyes gave me a warm glow, I was swallowed by them, as she swallowed the green liquid. I couldn’t get enough. We did it again and again. Rinse, then repeat. As needed.

Two

Fuck! My number will be on her phone. They’ll know. I need to get round there and delete the calls. Sorted.

One

“Out of the strong, came forth sweetness.” It says that on the tins of Lyle’s Golden Syrup. Have you ever noticed that? It has a picture of a lion, dead, surrounded by bees, buzzing around, and feasting on the lion’s innards. It is from a Biblical story, someone was going somewhere, saw the lion dead in the sunshine, and carried on. On his way back, the bees had started to form a hive within the lion, and were creating honey. Hence out of the strong…

I have enough here to join her, to join the lion. I can’t walk around the block once more, again. I’ve been doing that for years, and I have never escaped. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I’m going nowhere, like those snails, except out the window. The streets are full of mercenary eyes. Veins full of evil serum. 90 degrees from window. Right down to its gables.

Three

I’ll show you for example
A situation that’s like one two
And that can’t really look at my time
It’s harder in the morning
My room’s too small for parties
Too spacious when you’re lonely
So books can make us friends
That’s as long as we’re reading

Turn the lights out when you’re leaving
I want to watch the car park empty
It’s easy when they’re strangers to wave goodbye

My brother’s back from holiday
He’s been chasing girls in Spain
He said he’d bring me a guitar
Which I said would bring me fame
I remember your excitement
Choosing pictures for your wall
And now I’ve seen them all so often
You hardly see them anymore

Turn the lights out when you’re leaving
I want to watch the car park empty
It’s easy when they’re strangers to wave goodbye

I remember your excitement
Choosing pictures for your wall
And now I’ve seen them all so often
You hardly see them anymore
Turn the lights off when you’re leaving
I want to watch the car park empty
It’s easy when they’re strangers to wave goodbye

 

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21 thoughts on “Flat Of Angles

  1. Pingback: 2013/06/15 : Benedict reads Flat of Angles pt2 on Royksopp’s Late Night Tales | Cumberbatch infobank

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  3. Pingback: 2013/11/11 : Benedict reads Flat of Angles (Part 3) on Bonobo’s Late Night Tales | Cumberbatch infobank

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  5. Hey!

    Just want to enquire about the 4th part of Flat of Angles. Where can I find it? I love Flat of Angles. Been listening to it many times – 1st to 3rd. But where’s the fourth one?!

    Thanks,
    Elaine

    • Hello Harry, thanks for reading – I guess each event has so many different angles, and it could be completely different from each view. Or we could hold all those views ourselves, too, perhaps. Have a good day! Simon

  6. Pingback: Selama Masih Hidup, Kamu Harus Membaca 10 Cerpen Ini! - Hipwee

  7. Thank you so much for all of your writing. It is quite the inspiration, especially your writing style. I really like this piece in particular. It really chills me to read the sincerity and meaning behind it.

    • Hello Adrien,

      Thank you for reading – I’m glad it managed to make a connection with you.

      All the best,

      Simon

  8. This piece is absolutely fantastic. I hope I am blessed enough to one day become a writer as skilled as you are. I’ve been listening to Benedict’s reading of this on repeat for the past couple of days; I’ve listened to it at least thirty times. I adore it.
    -Grace

    • Thank you!

      It is so nice when someone writes back – and you should keep writing too – I tried for a long time, lived life, had experiences, tried again – and I keep going, and something flows through, if you let it.

      Good luck Grace.

      • Thank you. It seriously is my favourite piece of writing I’ve heard/read in a while. I will definitely keep writing! Love it!

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